Married or not you should read this...
“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
was-was
Allah swt memaafkan hamba atas bisikan was-was yang mereka hadapi. Sabda Nabi :
إن الله عز وجل تجاوز لأمتي ما وسوست به وحدثت به أنفسها ما لم تعمل أو تتكلم به
“Sesungguhnya Allah mema’afkan umatnya apa-apa yang dibisikan (was-waas) dan apa sahaja yang melalui fikirannya, selama-mana dia tidak melakukannya atau berkata mengenainya” [Hadith Riwayat Imam al-Bukhari dan Imam Muslim].
Was-Was adalah mainan Syaitan. Diantara 3 perkara utama yang dapat membantu mengatasi was-waas adalah :
1. Setiap kali wujud bisikan, cuba buat tidak tahu (ignore) bisikan tersebut. Cuba larikan fikiran anda dan di ganti dengan berzikir kepada Allah swt.
2. Mohon do’a banyak kepada Allah swt moga-moga dapat membantu anda didalam permasalahan was-waas. Diantara do’a yang boleh dibaca, sebagaimana yang diriwayatkan oleh Ibn al-Sunni melalui A’isyah ra.:
آمنا بالله وبرسله
“(Aamantu Billaahi wa bi rusulihi) – Aku beriman dengan Allah dan Rasulnya” sebanyak 3 kali.
3. Bejumpa orang yang alim didalam bidang hati dan cara pengubatannya. Mudah-mudahan orang alim tersebut dapat membantu. eg: Darul Syifa', dibawah kelolaan Dato Dr Haron Din.
Berikut adalah petikan dari jawapan Ustaz Abu Umair berkenaan dengan cara mengubati penyakit was-waas.
- Hendaklah disedari bahawa was-was seperti itu adalah daripada syaitan, untuk merosakkan amal ibadah hamba Allah. Maka jangan sekali-kali membiarkan diri kita terpedaya dan menjadi habuan musuh utama kita. Ulama mengatakan: "Ubat kepada was-was ialah keyakinan bahawa ia adalah daripada syaitan, dan Iblis yang membawanya kepada seorang muslim".
- Hendaklah diketahui bahawa mengulang-ulang solat, wudhu', takbiratul ihram dan lain2 amalan kerana waswas adalah suatu yang dicela syarak. Malahan sepakat ulama mengatakan ia adalah satu bidaah, dan kesesatan dalam agama. (Majmuk Fatawa Ibn taimiyyah).
- Memperbanyakkan meminta perlindungan dengan ALlah daripada gangguan syaitan, iaitu dengan mengamalkan istiazah-istiazah yang diajar oleh Nabi SAW. Antaranya: istiazah di dalam solat sebelum Fatihah, istiazah sebelum masuk bilik air, dan lain-lain.
- Di dalam solat, tumpukan perhatian kepada bacaan dan mentadabburi makna bacaan dan zikir yg dibaca, supaya tidak ada laluan syaitan untuk mencelahi minda kita. Apabila ada lintasan-lintasan hati bahawa mungkin wudhu'nya terbatal, maka jangan dilayan khayalan2 tersebut.
- Memperbanyakkan taubat dan istighfar kepada Allah, dan berdoa bersungguh-sungguh supaya disembuhkan daripada penyakit was-was. Mudah-mudahan Allah menghilangkan penyakit was-was tersebut.
Wallah A'lam
إن الله عز وجل تجاوز لأمتي ما وسوست به وحدثت به أنفسها ما لم تعمل أو تتكلم به
“Sesungguhnya Allah mema’afkan umatnya apa-apa yang dibisikan (was-waas) dan apa sahaja yang melalui fikirannya, selama-mana dia tidak melakukannya atau berkata mengenainya” [Hadith Riwayat Imam al-Bukhari dan Imam Muslim].
Was-Was adalah mainan Syaitan. Diantara 3 perkara utama yang dapat membantu mengatasi was-waas adalah :
1. Setiap kali wujud bisikan, cuba buat tidak tahu (ignore) bisikan tersebut. Cuba larikan fikiran anda dan di ganti dengan berzikir kepada Allah swt.
2. Mohon do’a banyak kepada Allah swt moga-moga dapat membantu anda didalam permasalahan was-waas. Diantara do’a yang boleh dibaca, sebagaimana yang diriwayatkan oleh Ibn al-Sunni melalui A’isyah ra.:
آمنا بالله وبرسله
“(Aamantu Billaahi wa bi rusulihi) – Aku beriman dengan Allah dan Rasulnya” sebanyak 3 kali.
3. Bejumpa orang yang alim didalam bidang hati dan cara pengubatannya. Mudah-mudahan orang alim tersebut dapat membantu. eg: Darul Syifa', dibawah kelolaan Dato Dr Haron Din.
Berikut adalah petikan dari jawapan Ustaz Abu Umair berkenaan dengan cara mengubati penyakit was-waas.
- Hendaklah disedari bahawa was-was seperti itu adalah daripada syaitan, untuk merosakkan amal ibadah hamba Allah. Maka jangan sekali-kali membiarkan diri kita terpedaya dan menjadi habuan musuh utama kita. Ulama mengatakan: "Ubat kepada was-was ialah keyakinan bahawa ia adalah daripada syaitan, dan Iblis yang membawanya kepada seorang muslim".
- Hendaklah diketahui bahawa mengulang-ulang solat, wudhu', takbiratul ihram dan lain2 amalan kerana waswas adalah suatu yang dicela syarak. Malahan sepakat ulama mengatakan ia adalah satu bidaah, dan kesesatan dalam agama. (Majmuk Fatawa Ibn taimiyyah).
- Memperbanyakkan meminta perlindungan dengan ALlah daripada gangguan syaitan, iaitu dengan mengamalkan istiazah-istiazah yang diajar oleh Nabi SAW. Antaranya: istiazah di dalam solat sebelum Fatihah, istiazah sebelum masuk bilik air, dan lain-lain.
- Di dalam solat, tumpukan perhatian kepada bacaan dan mentadabburi makna bacaan dan zikir yg dibaca, supaya tidak ada laluan syaitan untuk mencelahi minda kita. Apabila ada lintasan-lintasan hati bahawa mungkin wudhu'nya terbatal, maka jangan dilayan khayalan2 tersebut.
- Memperbanyakkan taubat dan istighfar kepada Allah, dan berdoa bersungguh-sungguh supaya disembuhkan daripada penyakit was-was. Mudah-mudahan Allah menghilangkan penyakit was-was tersebut.
Wallah A'lam
Monday, January 23, 2012
ala-ala rindu nya
harmoni nya orang malaysia! i'm proud to be one of them :)
one word, heart-touching.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
hari ini saya malas
sebenarnya hari-hari saya malas. saya hampir nak ponteng lab hari ni. tapi bila fikir sejenak, ape tujuan saya ke lab, apa tujuan saya belajar? saya dengan ajaibnya jadi rajin dan bersemangat. betol. tak tipu. kuikui
semua yang kita lakukan sehari-harian macam makan, mandi, gosok gigi, garu-garu badan ke, kentut ke, sebenarnya semua adalah ibadah. cuma kita yang perlu selalu ingat yang semua itu adalah ibadah baru dapat pahala, syafaat dan kebaikan dengan sepenuhnya.
kalau kita tak sedar semua itu adalah ibadat, kita hanya akan dapat perut kenyang saja. kalau kita sedar yang makan itu adalah suatu ibadat, kita bukan hanya dapat kenyang perut suka hati tapi dapat juga pahala. rugi kan kalau tak dapat pahala free2 camni.
tujuan kita g lab atau belajar adalah kerana Dia. kita kena betolkan niat kita setiap pagi agar kita tak rugi. rugi sebab tak dapat pahala free. bayangkan kita duduk seharian di lab / kampus / sekolah / tempat kerja jika kita sedar yang kita sedang beribadat kepada Allah, saham2 atau pahala kita berlipat-lipat ganda dengan automatik. kayoooo kayoooooooo ambo kayoo.
pesanan dari hati yang kecil : Don't forget to pray today, because God didn't forget to wake you up this morning.
semua yang kita lakukan sehari-harian macam makan, mandi, gosok gigi, garu-garu badan ke, kentut ke, sebenarnya semua adalah ibadah. cuma kita yang perlu selalu ingat yang semua itu adalah ibadah baru dapat pahala, syafaat dan kebaikan dengan sepenuhnya.
kalau kita tak sedar semua itu adalah ibadat, kita hanya akan dapat perut kenyang saja. kalau kita sedar yang makan itu adalah suatu ibadat, kita bukan hanya dapat kenyang perut suka hati tapi dapat juga pahala. rugi kan kalau tak dapat pahala free2 camni.
tujuan kita g lab atau belajar adalah kerana Dia. kita kena betolkan niat kita setiap pagi agar kita tak rugi. rugi sebab tak dapat pahala free. bayangkan kita duduk seharian di lab / kampus / sekolah / tempat kerja jika kita sedar yang kita sedang beribadat kepada Allah, saham2 atau pahala kita berlipat-lipat ganda dengan automatik. kayoooo kayoooooooo ambo kayoo.
pesanan dari hati yang kecil : Don't forget to pray today, because God didn't forget to wake you up this morning.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
saya dan sara
pada hari isnin lepas, saya pergi buat lesen memandu. saya sangat nervous dan mengelak dari bercakap dengan orang. i sat quite far from others. saya taknak konsentrasi saya hilang.
tapi minah yang comel ni datang tego saya jugak. rupa-rupanya dia dari indonesia. bila da mula bercakap, we cannot stop. we chit chat a bit and my nervousness hilang. tahap konsentrasi pun menurun, i try to gain my concentration back.
she is a christian but she is far friendly and warm-hearted than me. after the license test, she asks anyone who came accross us. "macam mana kakak, macam mana encik?". suma orang yang dia sapa, jadi baik dengan sara dan juga saya. saya? saya hanya terpaku di situ menunggu keputusan diri sendiri. saya tidak endah sikit pon untuk bertanya pada orang lain.
pada hari itu, tiada seorang pun yang berjaya. dalam perjalanan ke stesen tren berdekatan, terjumpa mamat cina ni, sara tanya nak pegi mana, mamat tu jawab nak pegi ke stesen tren jugak. sara pun ajak jalan bersama-sama.
kitorang borak-borak sambil jalan and suprisingly we become very close. ada feeling yang sangat best. sampai mamat tu belanja kopi daripada vendor machine. walaupun kecil, rasa teramat happy.
aku yang islam ni, yang sepatotnya lagi baik pada orang lain. tapi orang dari agama lain lagi baik. lagi punya personaliti yang hebat. aku sedikit tersentak.
mulai hari ini mahu jadi orang yang lebih baik. saya harap saya sentiasa di ingatkan, di sentakkan lagi.
saya jatuh hati pada ilustrasi ini
tapi minah yang comel ni datang tego saya jugak. rupa-rupanya dia dari indonesia. bila da mula bercakap, we cannot stop. we chit chat a bit and my nervousness hilang. tahap konsentrasi pun menurun, i try to gain my concentration back.
she is a christian but she is far friendly and warm-hearted than me. after the license test, she asks anyone who came accross us. "macam mana kakak, macam mana encik?". suma orang yang dia sapa, jadi baik dengan sara dan juga saya. saya? saya hanya terpaku di situ menunggu keputusan diri sendiri. saya tidak endah sikit pon untuk bertanya pada orang lain.
pada hari itu, tiada seorang pun yang berjaya. dalam perjalanan ke stesen tren berdekatan, terjumpa mamat cina ni, sara tanya nak pegi mana, mamat tu jawab nak pegi ke stesen tren jugak. sara pun ajak jalan bersama-sama.
kitorang borak-borak sambil jalan and suprisingly we become very close. ada feeling yang sangat best. sampai mamat tu belanja kopi daripada vendor machine. walaupun kecil, rasa teramat happy.
aku yang islam ni, yang sepatotnya lagi baik pada orang lain. tapi orang dari agama lain lagi baik. lagi punya personaliti yang hebat. aku sedikit tersentak.
mulai hari ini mahu jadi orang yang lebih baik. saya harap saya sentiasa di ingatkan, di sentakkan lagi.
saya jatuh hati pada ilustrasi ini
pesanan kecil dari hati yang kecil ini
glorious is Allah, praise be to Allah, there is no God but He, Allah is great.
Monday, January 16, 2012
post pertama
macam orang lain, semua ada post pertama. saya pun mahu juga. nama saya siti wan kembang. terang-terangan berasal dari negeri cik siti wan kembang. teehee . cita-cita saya mahu jadi seorang yang osem. iaitu ordinary self, extraordinary muslimah. jazakumullah khoiran kathira ! :D
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